Season’s Greetings From The Secular Side
Motivations may vary, but we all can spread joy and goodwill at this time of year
By August Berkshire
Nevertheless, in case you were wondering, here are the plans some of us have for December.
The cards we will be purchasing will not say “Merry Christmas” (or “Happy Hanukah” or “Happy Eid”) but rather “Season’s Greetings.”
After all, the original “reason for the season” is the winter solstice, which has long been appropriated by religious people to celebrate the birth or rebirth of their sun/savior gods. Nowadays, with religion in decline, the reason for the season is becoming merely a time for festivities. What’s wrong with that?
The trees that many of us will have in our homes will have colorful lights, originally symbolic of the post-solstice lengthening of days, but now just a pretty sight.
Of course, we will not have angels on top of our trees. We know this will make us unpatriotic as, in this economy, it is likely to lead the treetop-angel-making industry to seek a federal bailout.
The meals we will share will not have prayers said over them, but we will give thanks to those who provided them and to our families and friends.
The songs we sing will be secular – “Jingle Bells,” etc. But, fear not: Atheists are just as likely to sing them out of tune as religious people, though we will derive no less joy.
And jolly old Santa Claus? Well, the disappearance of milk and cookies left out for him and the appearance of wrapped presents are evidence in the minds of many that he exists. We’ll relax our skeptical standards for a day and leave Santa’s existence up to each person’s imagination.
© 2008 August Berkshire. This essay was published in the [Minneapolis] Star Tribune on November 23, 2008.
Inter-Non-Faith Dialogue, Part 2
Inter-Non-Faith Dialogue, Part 2
by August Berkshire
Cast:
Noah Waye, President of Universal Atheists
Mae Bea Something, President of Unitarian Universalists
Johnny [Janey] B. Goode, President of Universal Humanists
Ida Know, President of Universal Agnostics
Sonny Demeanor, President of Universal Brights
Set & Props:
A long table behind which are four chairs, with room for a fifth chair on the end, which is currently slightly off to the side. Or, five microphone stands with music stands in front of them to hold scripts. (If this many microphones are not available, two or more characters can share one mic. Preferably the Atheist would not be sharing a mic with anyone.)
Five signs or t-shirts saying: “Atheist”; “Humanist”; “Unitarian Universalist” or “UU”; “Agnostic” or “?”; and “Bright” or a picture of a light bulb. The first four descriptions of people, as well as the people themselves, are visible as the play opens. The last description (Bright) is added after that character enters. If signs are used, they may be placards on the table or hung in front of the microphone stands.
Scene:
The skit opens with the Atheist, Humanist, Unitarian Universalist, and Agnostic on stage.
Atheist: Welcome to the second annual Inter-Non-Faith Dialogue. My name is Noah Waye and I am the president of the Universal Atheists. This year, in addition to an atheist, a humanist, and a Unitarian Universalist, we haven’t forgotten to include an agnostic… though I don’t know why… Before we begin, it’s become our custom, since last year, to call on the president of the Unitarian Universalists, Mae Bea Something, to give us an opening invocation.
UU: Thank you, Noah. Oh, God, whom some of us call “nature,” and some of us call “the universal force,” and some of us call “the great unknown,” and some of us call…
Atheist: (interrupting) Yes, we get the point. Please move on.
UU: (slightly startled and recollecting herself) Oh, God, teach us to have faith in your non-existence…
Atheist: (interrupting again) That’s not exactly how it works…
UU: (unruffled this time, and slightly annoyed) We ask this is the name of that which has no name…
Atheist: Okay, enough! (takes an exasperated breath). And now I’d like to introduce the president of the Universal Humanists, Johnny B. Goode.
Humanist: Thank you, Noah. I’d like to say how much I appreciate all the human effort that has gone into setting up tonight’s program. Why, without humans…
Atheist: Yes… Well… thank you, Johnny. And finally I’d like to introduce the president of the Universal Agnostics. What was your name again?
Agnostic: Ida Know.
Atheist: Well, I don’t know either, that’s why I’m asking…
Agnostic: No, it’s IDA… KNOW.
UU: Did you every play third base in baseball?
Agnostic: IDA KNOW!
Humanist: You’d think that’s something a person wouldn’t forget…
Agnostic: My name is IDA: I-D-A, KNOW: K-N-O-W…
UU: Oh. I’m sorry, Ida. Our apologies. I guess we can blame your name on your parents. What were their names?
Agnostic: My father is African. His name is Dontwanna Know. And my mother is Swedish. Her name is Intha Know.
Humanist: (sympathetically) Sounds like you had a very confused upbringing…
Agnostic: (shrugging it off; nonchalantly) Oh, I don’t know…
Bright: (rushing in from off stage) Wait a minute, aren’t you forgetting someone?!
Atheist: Who are you?
Bright: I’m Sonny Demeanor and I’m the President of the Universal Brights.
UU: But it isn’t universally bright, except at the North or South Pole, and only then for six months a year…
Humanist: Or in outer space!…
Bright: No, no, no! The Universal Brights… the Bright Movement…
Agnostic: Does that have anything to do with florescent light bulbs?
Bright: Brights! We’re people who don’t believe in the supernatural…
UU: So you’re an atheist!
Bright: (like a schoolyard taunt) Look who’s talking! You’re an atheist too, so there!
UU: Am not!
Bright: Are too!
UU: Not all the time! Sometimes I might not be!
Agnostic: (Interrupting, out of the blue, perhaps as if talking loudly to himself) I don’t know…
Atheist: Alright, whatever… I think we can all agree… at least sometimes… or on some days of the week… that the supernatural doesn’t exist.
Bright: Yes!
UU: It depends if you mean that literally, figuratively, metaphorically, or symbolically…
Humanist: I think “week” is a very Euro-centric measure of time…
Atheist: (exasperated) What does that have to do with the existence of gods?!
Bright: (helpfully, insightfully) Some of the days of the week are named after gods.
Agnostic: So if the days of the week exist, does that mean those gods exist too?
UU: It’s a good thing this meeting isn’t being held on Thor’s Day.
Humanist: What have you got against Thor? Oh, sure, his lightning bolts would do some damage from time to time, but…
Atheist: You’re missing the point – Thor doesn’t even exist!
Agnostic: (genuinely puzzled) How do you know?
Bright: (in a know-it-all fashion) Because lightning is caused by electricity…
Humanist: (philosophically) But do we really know what electricity is?
UU: (even more deeply philosophical) For that matter, do we really know what reality is?
Atheist: I’m getting really tired of this! Let’s get back on track here. A lot of times at conferences like these they issue a statement at the end that everyone agrees with…
Humanist: Sounds good to me!
Bright: Me too!
UU: Me too!
Agnostic: I think so!
Atheist: (relieved) You know, that’s the first thing we’ve agreed on all day.
Bright: You’re right!
(The next series of events happens while the Atheist looks on bewildered, not believing what he’s hearing.)
UU: So our statement will be: “We all agree that conferences like this usually produce a statement we can all agree with.”
Humanist: I second that motion!
Bright: All in favor?
(Agnostic begins rubbing his eye, as if there’s something caught in it.)
UU: Aye!
Bright: Aye!
Agnostic: Eye…
Humanist: I think “aye” [“I”] sounds a little too selfish. Why don’t we all vote by saying “you”?
Agnostic (stops rubbing his eye, looking bewildered) You?
UU: You!
Bright: You!
Humanist: You!
Atheist: You – have got to be kidding. (turning to audience) And there you have it. A rare moment of agreement in the Non-Faith Community… I think… Thank you all for coming here today. Join us again next year for our third annual Inter-Non-Faith Dialogue.
—–
“Woden’s Day” may be substituted for “Thor’s Day” if the skit is performed on a Thursday.
This skit was first performed on December 20, 2009 at the Freethought Follies in St. Louis Park, Minnesota, hosted by the Humanists of Minnesota and Minnesota Atheists.
© 2008-2009 August Berkshire
Inter-Non-Faith Dialogue, Part 1
Inter-Non-Faith Dialogue, Part 1
By August Berkshire
First performed at the Minnesota Atheists and the Humanists of Minnesota Winter Solstice Party on December 21, 2008
Cast:
Noah Waye, President of Universal Atheists
Mae Bea Something, President of the Unitarian Universalists
Johnny [or Janey] B. Goode, President of the Universal Humanists
Ida Know, President of Universal Agnostics
Set & Props:
A long table behind which are three chairs, with room for a fourth chair on the end, which is currently slightly off to the side. Or, four microphone stands with music stands in front of them to hold scripts.
Four signs or t-shirts saying: “Atheist”; “Humanist”; “Unitarian Universalist” or “UU”; and “Agnostic” or “?” The first three descriptions of people, as well as the people themselves, are visible as the play opens. The last description (Agnostic) is added after that character enters. If signs are used, they may be placards on the table or hung in front of the microphone stands.
Scene:
The skit opens with the Atheist, Humanist, and Unitarian Universalist on stage.
Atheist: Good evening. My name is Noah Waye, President of Universal Atheists. We are proud to host this first annual Inter-Non-Faith Dialogue among atheists, humanists, and Unitarian Universalists. It is my deep, abiding belief that we are united in our worship of nothing. Before we begin, I’d like to call upon the President of the Unitarian Universalists, Mae Bea Something, to give us an opening invocation.
UU: Thank you, Noah. “Oh God, whom I interpret broadly, and whom I seriously doubt exists, grant us the strength to follow the lead of science, which, on a daily basis, closes the gaps in our knowledge that we historically call upon you to explain. Teach us, oh God, that we can get along just fine without you.”
Atheist: (a little bewildered) Uh, thank you, Mae Bea… And now I’d like to introduce the other member of tonight’s panel discussion, the President of the Universal Humanists, Johnny B. Goode.
Humanist: Thank you, Noah. I’d like to say how much I appreciate all the human effort that has gone into setting up tonight’s program. Why, without humans…
Atheist: Yes… Well… thank you, Johnny, and Mae Bea, for being here with us.
Agnostic: (bursting in from off stage) Excuse me! Haven’t you forgotten someone in this Dialogue? I’m Ida Know, President of Universal Agnostics.
Atheist: Why should we include you?
Agnostic: (pause) I don’t know.
Atheist: Oh, very well, you can stay.
Agnostic produces a fourth sign or shows front of t-shirt – the word “Agnostic” or a question mark – grabs the fourth seat and brings it over and sits down, or takes a place at the fourth microphone stand.
Atheist: Let’s begin. The first question we should address is whether or not God exists. I’ll start. There is absolutely, positively no way that a god exists. Or at least I lack a belief in one.
UU: But doesn’t that depend upon how you define the term “God”? My belief in God is ambiguous…
Humanist: Since humans are the measure of all things, I guess you could say that makes us “gods,” though I wouldn’t say that.
Agnostic: I don’t know…
Atheist: (interrupting) Oh, for the love of… Okay, let’s define this god as an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving, invisible, undetectable being…
UU: How many gods are there? We Unitarians only believe in one god – that’s what UNI-tarianism means – if we believe in any gods at all… which many of us don’t… although I suppose that depends upon how you define God…
Atheist: Which is what I am trying to do! Okay, okay, let’s stipulate that there is only one of these supposed beings…
Agnostic: How do you know?
Atheist: I don’t know, I’m just saying…
Humanist: People, people, can’t we all just get along?
Atheist: Look… let’s start simple. How about the god Apollo, the one who supposedly rides a flaming chariot across the sky, which we now call the sun. Does anyone believe he exists?
UU: I would say that he exists symbolically, but not in reality…
Humanist: I think you’d have to admit that if he did exist, he would be a pretty nice guy. I mean, getting up at the crack of dawn every day… never a day off for vacation…
Agnostic: (ponderingly) I don’t know…
Atheist: Oh, for Apollo’s sake! All right – forget about gods! How about separation of state and church? We atheists support that. How about the rest of you?
UU: Yes!
Humanist: Yes!
Agnostic: I think I do!
Humanist: So, does this mean that we finally see eye-to-eye?
Atheist: Absolutely.
UU: It depends upon how you define “eye-to-eye”: literally, figuratively, metaphorically, or symbolically…
Agnostic: I don’t know.
Atheist: (to audience) Well, thank you all for coming here today. You’re all invited back next year for our second annual Inter-Non-Faith Dialogue, where we can continue our fruitful discussion…
© 2007-2009 August Berkshire. First performed at the Minnesota Atheists and the Humanists of Minnesota Winter Solstice Party on December 21, 2008 and the Humanists of Minnesota Winter Solstice Party on December 21, 2008.
The Seven C’s of Atheism
The Seven C’s of Atheism
By August Berkshire
(This essay is available as a downloadable tri-pane PDF pamphlet)
Conservative
Atheism is a conservative position. We accept statements only so far as there is reason and/or evidence to back them up. Anything else is speculation. We make no leaps of faith. If there should some day be a compelling reason or piece of evidence for a god, then we would acknowledge it and change our views.
Clarity
An atheist possesses clarity in his or her thinking processes. We are able to identify those things for which we have evidence and separate them from other things that are merely wishful thinking.
Consistent
An atheist is also consistent. We apply our skepticism equally to all supernatural claims. We do not say, “All prophets, saviors, or gods are false – except ours.” We make no exceptions or special pleadings.
Contradiction-free
Another benefit of atheism is that it is contradiction-free. We don’t have to try to reconcile an all-loving, all-seeing, all-powerful god with the existence of evil. We don’t have to define love exactly the opposite of how we normally define it in order to make it applicable to a god. We don’t have to claim that a poor supernatural designer is intelligent.
Courage
An atheist possesses courage. It is natural for people to have a healthy survival instinct. However, some people have such a fear of death that they feel compelled to believe in an afterlife to alleviate those fears. It takes intellectual and emotional courage to abandon belief in an afterlife because there is no evidence for it (and compelling evidence against it). It also takes intellectual and emotional courage to abandon one’s belief in a cosmic, supernatural “protector” and realize that, as far as we know, we are alone in our universe and must therefore help each other as best we can.
Consequences
There are certain consequences that naturally follow from being an atheist. Since there are no gods to help us, we must rely on ourselves and each other. Since there is no afterlife, it becomes more important to improve life on Earth.
Conclusion
One of the arguments of Pascal’s Wager is that a person loses nothing by believing in a god. This is not true. Accepting Pascal’s Wager means saying that we are willing to abandon reason and evidence as our guides to living, and instead make a leap of faith to… where?
It’s true that by converting (or deconverting) from theism to atheism a person will lose his or her sense of divine specialness, cosmic meaning in life, and any hope of an afterlife. But you can’t lose what you never really had.
The reality of atheism far outweighs the dream of religion. There is an excitement and beauty to perceiving the world as it really is, and not as an illusion.
© 2008-2010 August Berkshire
Like many of you reading this, I describe myself as a flaming liberal. Yet in one area I am a conservative. I am an atheist.
Conservative
Yes, atheism is a conservative position. We accept statements only so far as there is reason
and/or evidence to back them up. Anything else is speculation. We make no leaps of faith.
If there should some day be a compelling reason or piece of evidence for a god, then we would
acknowledge it and change our views. This is also known as intellectual honesty.
Clarity
An atheist possesses clarity in his or her thinking processes. We are able to identify those
things for which we have evidence and separate them from other things that are merely wishful
thinking.
Consistent
An atheist is also consistent. We apply our skepticism equally to all supernatural claims. We do
not say, “All prophets, saviors, or gods are false – except ours.” We make no exceptions or
special pleadings.
Contradiction-free
Another benefit of atheism is that it is contradiction-free. We don’t have to try to reconcile an all-
loving, all-seeing, all-powerful god with the existence of evil. We don’t have to define love
exactly the opposite of how we normally define it in order to make it applicable to a god. We
don’t have to claim that a poor supernatural designer is intelligent.
Courage
Finally, an atheist possesses courage. It is natural for people to have a healthy survival instinct.
However, some people have such a fear of death that they feel compelled to believe in an
afterlife to alleviate those fears. It takes intellectual and emotional courage to abandon belief in
an afterlife because there is no evidence for it (and compelling evidence against it). It also takes
intellectual and emotional courage to abandon one’s belief in a cosmic, supernatural “protector”
and realize that, as far as we know, we are alone in our universe and must therefore help each
other as best we can.
Conclusion
One of the arguments of Pascal’s Wager is that a person loses nothing by believing in a god. I
beg to differ. Accepting Pascal’s Wager means saying that we are willing to abandon reason
and evidence as our guides to living, and instead make a leap of faith to… where?
It’s true that by converting (or deconverting) from theism to atheism a person will lose his or her
sense of divine specialness, cosmic meaning in life, and any hope of an afterlife. But you can’t
lose what you never really had.
The reality of atheism far outweighs the dream of religion. There is an excitement and beauty to
perceiving the world as it really is, and not as an illusion.
34 Unconvincing Arguments for God
I have been giving this talk for the past two years specifically to Christian colleges where I am invited to speak. The impetus happened three years ago, speaking to a “Creative Evangelism” class taught by Sherry Bunge Mortenson at Bethel University in St. Paul. A student asked what would convince me that God exists? I named a few miracles that would at least convince me that something supernatural exists. But the question stuck in my mind and I naturally began to think of what wouldn’t convince me. Thus, if the goal of these students was to evangelize an atheist, it seemed perfectly appropriate that I give them a list of what wouldn’t work, so they could creatively come up with some new arguments, as their class title suggests. I meant this to be educational and in no way condescending, and that is how I hope the students perceive my presentation. Read more