Inter-Non-Faith Dialogue, Part 1
Inter-Non-Faith Dialogue, Part 1
By August Berkshire
First performed at the Minnesota Atheists and the Humanists of Minnesota Winter Solstice Party on December 21, 2008
Cast:
Noah Waye, President of Universal Atheists
Mae Bea Something, President of the Unitarian Universalists
Johnny [or Janey] B. Goode, President of the Universal Humanists
Ida Know, President of Universal Agnostics
Set & Props:
A long table behind which are three chairs, with room for a fourth chair on the end, which is currently slightly off to the side. Or, four microphone stands with music stands in front of them to hold scripts.
Four signs or t-shirts saying: “Atheist”; “Humanist”; “Unitarian Universalist” or “UU”; and “Agnostic” or “?” The first three descriptions of people, as well as the people themselves, are visible as the play opens. The last description (Agnostic) is added after that character enters. If signs are used, they may be placards on the table or hung in front of the microphone stands.
Scene:
The skit opens with the Atheist, Humanist, and Unitarian Universalist on stage.
Atheist: Good evening. My name is Noah Waye, President of Universal Atheists. We are proud to host this first annual Inter-Non-Faith Dialogue among atheists, humanists, and Unitarian Universalists. It is my deep, abiding belief that we are united in our worship of nothing. Before we begin, I’d like to call upon the President of the Unitarian Universalists, Mae Bea Something, to give us an opening invocation.
UU: Thank you, Noah. “Oh God, whom I interpret broadly, and whom I seriously doubt exists, grant us the strength to follow the lead of science, which, on a daily basis, closes the gaps in our knowledge that we historically call upon you to explain. Teach us, oh God, that we can get along just fine without you.”
Atheist: (a little bewildered) Uh, thank you, Mae Bea… And now I’d like to introduce the other member of tonight’s panel discussion, the President of the Universal Humanists, Johnny B. Goode.
Humanist: Thank you, Noah. I’d like to say how much I appreciate all the human effort that has gone into setting up tonight’s program. Why, without humans…
Atheist: Yes… Well… thank you, Johnny, and Mae Bea, for being here with us.
Agnostic: (bursting in from off stage) Excuse me! Haven’t you forgotten someone in this Dialogue? I’m Ida Know, President of Universal Agnostics.
Atheist: Why should we include you?
Agnostic: (pause) I don’t know.
Atheist: Oh, very well, you can stay.
Agnostic produces a fourth sign or shows front of t-shirt – the word “Agnostic” or a question mark – grabs the fourth seat and brings it over and sits down, or takes a place at the fourth microphone stand.
Atheist: Let’s begin. The first question we should address is whether or not God exists. I’ll start. There is absolutely, positively no way that a god exists. Or at least I lack a belief in one.
UU: But doesn’t that depend upon how you define the term “God”? My belief in God is ambiguous…
Humanist: Since humans are the measure of all things, I guess you could say that makes us “gods,” though I wouldn’t say that.
Agnostic: I don’t know…
Atheist: (interrupting) Oh, for the love of… Okay, let’s define this god as an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving, invisible, undetectable being…
UU: How many gods are there? We Unitarians only believe in one god – that’s what UNI-tarianism means – if we believe in any gods at all… which many of us don’t… although I suppose that depends upon how you define God…
Atheist: Which is what I am trying to do! Okay, okay, let’s stipulate that there is only one of these supposed beings…
Agnostic: How do you know?
Atheist: I don’t know, I’m just saying…
Humanist: People, people, can’t we all just get along?
Atheist: Look… let’s start simple. How about the god Apollo, the one who supposedly rides a flaming chariot across the sky, which we now call the sun. Does anyone believe he exists?
UU: I would say that he exists symbolically, but not in reality…
Humanist: I think you’d have to admit that if he did exist, he would be a pretty nice guy. I mean, getting up at the crack of dawn every day… never a day off for vacation…
Agnostic: (ponderingly) I don’t know…
Atheist: Oh, for Apollo’s sake! All right – forget about gods! How about separation of state and church? We atheists support that. How about the rest of you?
UU: Yes!
Humanist: Yes!
Agnostic: I think I do!
Humanist: So, does this mean that we finally see eye-to-eye?
Atheist: Absolutely.
UU: It depends upon how you define “eye-to-eye”: literally, figuratively, metaphorically, or symbolically…
Agnostic: I don’t know.
Atheist: (to audience) Well, thank you all for coming here today. You’re all invited back next year for our second annual Inter-Non-Faith Dialogue, where we can continue our fruitful discussion…
© 2007-2009 August Berkshire. First performed at the Minnesota Atheists and the Humanists of Minnesota Winter Solstice Party on December 21, 2008 and the Humanists of Minnesota Winter Solstice Party on December 21, 2008.
